Dating, Give-away Ceremonies, Weddings

Ugandan Traditions

During the past 10 months, I've enjoyed learning what dating and marriage looks like in Uganda. Although there are many similarities between the countries, there are definitely more differences. I've had the privilege of attending such gatherings and now want to share what I learned.

In America, we date, get engaged and then marry. Here in Uganda, people rarely date, then they have Introductions, Give-away ceremonies and finally the big day.

Dating

Dating defined: where two people who are attracted to each other spend time together to see if they also can stand to be around each other most of the time (urban dictionary).

Dating in Uganda is more like courting. People don't date much, but instead will find one person that he/she is attracted to and will get to know in a group setting. Public display of affection (PDA) is not acceptable and you will never see couples holding hands while walking, and they most definitely will not kiss. When I first arrived last January, I was advised by the Pastors not to “move around” (aka walk around) with the opposite sex more than 3 times because people would start talking that we are together. This was strange for me because I was used to hanging out with my guy friends without others thinking that we're dating.

Back home, typical dates usually involve dinner out and a movie (or something like that). However, in Uganda dating would include going out to eat pork. That is a common “night out” event, and if you're lucky, you'll get the pig's nose (which I hear is the best part... I have not confirmed this theory yet). I have heard many stories of how God would reveal to the single person whom he/she is supposed to marry. I've come to realize that it's more about commitment than compatibility. Personally, I had my long list of what qualities and characteristics I was looking for in a future-husband. However, what's most important is to believe and love the same God and commit to a life obedience to Him. Then, once you know that you and your potential mate can bless the kingdom better together than apart, then you are meant to be.

Introductions

Introductions occur before the giveaway and wedding and is a special occasion when the future-bride introduces her fiance to her family. Before the groom's family can proceed to agreeing to the bride's price, it must be established and declared that they come from two different clans. It is an abomination if one marries from the same clan (as they could be marrying distant relatives). Also, a few tribes do not entertain intermarriages with other tribes.

The event is small and ranges around 15-30 people (depending on the bride's family wishes). The groom's close family and friends will travel from far (even up to 8 hours) to make the event. Men are in suits, kanzu (tunics) or African print outfits and women are in fancy mushanana dresses or gomesis (see pictured below). The future-bride stays hidden in the house with her girlfriends/bridesmaids until they are called to come out. This does not take place before the groom's entourage is allowed into the home. The groom's family chooses one person to be the “go-between” for the two parties. That person mediates between the groom's and the bride's family and helps with the negotiations. When the two parties come to a mutual understanding of the “brides price,” then the groom and his family can enter the party and the celebrations continue. They are served a special drink (entachweka) which is symbolic in cementing the relationship between the two families. If anyone from the groom's party does not drink it, it might attract a fine of a goat.

There is a lot of food (especially meat and **bushera, which is local sorghum porridge that becomes fermented the longer it sits). After everyone has eaten, the girls will be called out to identify the groom. They dance their way out and the future-bride will identify which man is her fiance by giving him a watch or placing a flower on him. A time will come when the fiance will go inside with the father of the bride along with some chosen close friends to witness the bride price. The bride's family pays for the introduction party, but then will ask for the bridal price from the groom (which is usually for the giveaway ceremony), who also has to pay for the wedding. However, the traditional way is different. Years ago, the groom's family would pay in live stalk (such as cows and goats). The brides-price would be for the family to help with the adjustment of losing not only a daughter, but an important worker for the household.

**Bushera- At first I disliked the taste (mainly because of the grainy texture), but the more I tasted it the better it became. Born again Christians don't believe in drinking alcohol, but a mild bushera drink is okay (as long as it hasn't turned into alcohol).

Side note: On the wedding night, if the groom discovers his wife remained a virgin, he will give her father an extra goat as a “thank you.” TMI? Sorry, but I found that interesting... :p

Once the bride price is determined (after a lot of negotiating), the party continues. The wedding date will be set and the excitement grows as word gets out about the two wanting to become one.

In March, I went to an introduction where the groom went down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend in front of hundreds of people. Proposals are occurring more frequently, but it definitely is a Western tradition.

Give-Away Ceremonies

The Give-away ceremony takes place before the wedding, either the week or day before the big day. I attended a give-away ceremony for my friend last Saturday and had a great time. The party was for one of Bishop's daughters, Susan. (Side note: Susan cared for me so well when I came to Uganda in 2014 and never left my side. Her wedding was another reason why I wanted to extend my time in Uganda). Over 500 people attended from Uganda, Kenya, Rwanda and Congo. It started at 1PM (but really African time at 4PM). I went with a group of friends from church (see picture below). JJ was my date (and thankfully fell asleep for part of it so I could enjoy).

After eating (the typical Ugandan staples), we entered into the hall where the fancy tables were set up. Soda, water and bushera were placed on every table along with beautiful flower center pieces. All of the chairs were faced towards the front of the room and it was very elegant. The MC welcomed the guests, the VIP members took their seats, the groom's family walked in together, and finally here came the bride and her gorgeous bridesmaids all matching in mushanana dresses.

There were speeches, prayers and a sermon by the head PAG Bishop for Uganda. The bride sat up on the stage with her maid of honor/sister, bridesmaids and an auntie. The groom sat below on another special chair with his best man. The time finally came for her to greet her man and was officially “given-away” by her family to him. The groom then presented gifts to the parents and each of her siblings. Different groups came to sing songs and then there was a time for everyone to come up and present their gift to the happy couple.

The groom placed a ring on his bride's hand, professional photos were taken, and there were even fireworks to fancy it up. They cut the cake and then all of the bridesmaids walked around the room to serve the cake to the few remaining guests. Ugandan style: everyone gets a small piece of cake and uses their hands to eat it. When it's your birthday, you're the one to walk around and serve everyone. It's a neat tradition!

I was informed that after the giveaway, the bride and groom can move in together and do other marital acts since they legally signed the documents. However, most Christians wait until after the wedding.

Weddings

People typically wear nice dresses and tuxedos, instead of the cultural dress (like mushananas). Most weddings take place on a Saturday afternoon and begin at a church. I went to a wedding last month in Kampala, the capital of Uganda. It was my first wedding to attend here in Uganda and I enjoyed comparing it to American weddings. Once all the guests are seated, everyone is welcomed and the ceremony begins (African time of course). First the groom and his groomsmen walk down the aisle and shortly after the bride and her maids. The young boys carried cows tails down the aisle (for unknown reasons... it's just tradition). Everyone stood when the women walked down the aisle, and then the bride came next to her sister.

There was a live band that played everything from current love songs to Christian praise and worship. They did a wonderful job and the church was full of music, laughter and the African cry (that I still haven't mastered).

Once the bride reached the front of the church, the groom was asked to lift her veil to confirm that she's the one. Everyone was laughing and they immediately began with the vows (which is different from the American way). After the vows came the prayers led by the parents, and then the sermon from the Pastor. The wedding itself lasted an hour, and after people were offered the chance to go up and take pictures with the bridal party.

From the church, we walked a few kilometers, took a taxi and then a boda to where the reception was held. Remember, Kampala is hot (right on the equator), dusty, and I was hungry and wearing heels (note to self: not wearing heels this next wedding). The reception was held at a nice inn and a few hundred people attended (triple the size of those who attended the celebration at church). You do not need to be invited to the party, so it's common for random strangers to attend just for the food. Again, it was very fancy with lights, music and a lot of decorations. Ugandans know how to party! We sat at a table and prayed our table would be chosen quickly to go get food :) The bridal party danced in (similar to us), and then the newlyweds cut the ribbon when entering the room. The rest of the party was very similar to the American wedding receptions. What's different is that halfway through the party, the bride and bridesmaids went out to change dresses (from an off-cream to a deep red). They hired professional dancers for entertainment and people left very happy.

I have learned to bring a fork with me when I attend big social gatherings because I know that it will be hard to find one (and I am not a fan with eating with my fingers... yet). However, this time I was thankful that forks were provided and I didn't have to “type” (eat with my fingers) since I forgot my fork :p (the little things in life...)

Thank you for reading! Let me know if you have any questions about the Ugandan culture in regards to weddings and celebrations. 

At a give-away ceremony where the Bride and her maids sit.

I am wearing the cultural "Mushanana" dress

The groom was asked to lift the veil to be sure she's the one he is to marry :p

At a giveaway ceremony in a village a few hours from town. There were hundreds of people (and the majority had never seen a muzungu before. I've never had so many eyes on me before).

The bride let everyone know who she was going to marry by pinning a flower and giving her groom a watch. This happens before the wedding